Don't Sweat the Small stuff

Hello folks,
Thought I'd put here what I shared with my colleagues last Thursday during a "share a Book' session at our BTP resource center. This in a nutshell is a summary of part of the book's contents. Hope you enjoy it.

Title: Don’t sweat the small stuff
Author: Richard Carlson
Publisher: Hodder & Stoghton
Year of Pub: 1997

This book was given to me by my youngest brother Henry, in 2003 when I was promoted to School Principal. He probably thought I would be overwhelmed and being me...I might just be "sweating" over little things. How true! This book has been referred to throughout the last five years and continue to remind me of the 'small things' in life that I should not waste time over and also the 'small people' who try to make my life 'miserable'. He he. thanks, Henry. I do hope some of the ways will remind us to live our lives to the fullest and not let the 'small stuff' get in our way of happiness and our daily living.


Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff And It’s All Small Stuff
Simple Ways To Keep The Little Things From Overtaking Your Life…

The Greatest Discovery Of My Generation Is That A Human Being Can Alter His Life By Altering His Attitude.- William James

Theme: How to live a more fulfilled and peaceful life, by making our actions more peaceful and caring and encourages us to trust our intuitions so that we can live each day as if it might be your last.

Messages:
1. Ask ourselves this question: Will this matter a year from now?
2. Do something nice for someone else –and don’t tell anyone about it.
3. Surrender to the fact that life isn’t fair
4. Listen to your feelings (they are trying to tell you something)
5. Remember that when you die, your ‘in’ box won’t be empty.

Book Content: The book actually has 100 ways to "not sweat the small stuff" but I have picked only about 30 of them to share with you...

1. Don’t sweat the small stuff

E.g. a stranger cutting into our lane when driving…rather than let it go, we rant about it the whole day when in fact, we should just have compassion for the driver, allow the driver to have his accident somewhere else.
Whether we had to wait in line, listen to unfair criticism, or do the lion’s share of the work, it pays if we learn not to worry about little things. We may lose touch with the magic and beauty of life. When you commit yourself to this goal, you will find that you have more energy to be kinder and gentler.

2.Make peace with imperfection

The need for imperfection – creates conflict within us.
A disorganised cupboard
Overweight
Our looks, behaviour
Catch yourself and do not insist that things should be better than what they are.
Remind yourself that it is ok the way it is…
Eliminate the need for perfection and you will discover the perfection of life itself.

3. Let Go Of The Idea That Gentle, Relaxed People Can’t Be Superachievers

Fear that if we stop being superachievers, we might become lazy and apathetic.
The opposite is actually true.
When you have what you want (inner peace) you are less distracted by your wants, needs, desires and concerns.
It is easier to concentrate, focus, achieve your goals and to give back to others.

4. Be Aware Of The Snowball Effect Of Your Thinking

This means- one thought leading to the next-thinking and planning work mentally - snowballing- sleepless nights
Catch yourself, stop the train
Keep a pen and paper by your bedside, write down something you suddenly remember, then go back to sleep instead of letting it worry you and snowballing…

5. Develop your compassion

· Compassion is a sympathetic feeling.
· In involves putting yourself in someone else’s shoes, feel his predicament, recognise their problems, their pain and frustrations
· Offer assistance-open our own hearts-and feel the sense of gratitude
· Compassion can be developed with practice-it involves 2 things: intention and action
· Intention- you remember to open your heart to others, you expand from yourself to others
· Action – what you do about it- donate sone money, time, offer a smile
· Reflect the miracle of life – that you can see, read, hear, talk, walk, love …
· When there are those who can’t.

6. Remind yourself that when you die, your ‘in basket’ won’t be empty.

So many of us live our lives to get everything done. We stay up late, get up early, avoid fun, keep our loved ones waiting…
The ‘in basket’ is always full, phone calls to make and promises to keep, projects to complete and work to be done.
In reality everything can be done, in its own time…
Why don’t we enjoy each step as we go along, live a life full of love…
Remember when we die, there will still be unfinished business in our basket …
And you know what? Someone else will be doing it for you.


7. Don’t interrupt others or finish their sentences.

It makes people nervous, irritable and annoyed. It causes arguments and nobody listen to what they are saying.
How can you listen to what they are saying when you are speaking for others.
Remind yourself, be patient, wait for the person to finish talking first, before you take your turn
You yourself will also be listened to, you will be more relaxed and everyone will be happier.

8. Do something nice for someone else - and don’t tell anyone about it

· When we do something for someone, we are happy that we are thoughtful people and we want others to know about it.
· However, if you keep it to yourself, you will feel good, you will retain all the positive feelings. Feel good about giving to others.
· One should give for the sake of giving, not to expect anything in return.
· The next time you do something nice for someone, keep it to yourself and revel in the joy you are giving.

9. Let others have the glory.

· Let others do the talking
· Refrain from talking about yourself and your experiences (there will be time for that)
· Let others feel they are important, they have done something wonderful
· Do not have the compulsive need to grab attention from others
· In the end, you will have the quiet inner confidence that is derived from letting others have it.

10. Learn to live in the present moment

· Irrespective of what happened yesterday or last year and what may happen tomorrow, the present moment is where you are - always.
· When we are busy making plans, our children are growing up, the people we love are moving away and dying, our bodies are getting out of shape, our dreams are slipping by…
· No one has a guarantee they will be here tomorrow…
· Now is the only time we have control over…
· We fear we do not have enough money, our children will get into trouble, our old age …
· Get over the fear, live in the present moment.

11. Imagine that everyone is enlightened except you

· Try to imagine that everyone you know are going to meet is perfectly enlightened. They are all here to teach you something.
· Your job is to try to determine what the people in your life are trying to teach you.
· You will be less annoyed, unhappy, bothered, frustrated….learn patience and compassion…
· Ask “ Why are they doing this? What are they trying to teach me?”


12. Let others be “right” most of the time.

Ask yourself “Do I want to right or do I want to be happy?”
Being right, defending our positions- alienate others from our lives.
Stop correcting people. Praise people when they are right. They will become less defensive and more loving.
Start today, let others be “right” most of the time.

13. Become more patient.

The more patient you are, the more accepting you will be of what is, rather than insisting that life be exactly what you would like it to be.
Being patient involves opening your heart to the present moment.
Stuck in traffic jams, late for an appointment-being late is “small stuff”
When people interrupt, look at it as it is and accept it-keep your perspective- lower high blood pressure…

14. Be the first one to reach out …

· When there is an argument or misunderstanding, we always wait for the other person to apologise…
· Why not, we should be the first to reach out.
· When we hold on to our anger, we turn “small stuff” to “big stuff”
· When you reach out, others will reach back…

15. Ask yourself “will this matter a year from now?”

Is the situation really as important as I’m making it out to be, once in a while maybe, but most of the time it is not.
Whether it is an argument, a lost wallet, a work-related rejection, a sprained ankle---one year from now, you aren’t going to care.
Use this energy with your family- for more creative thinking.

16. Once a week, write a heartfelt letter

It has changed many lives, assisted more people in becoming more peaceful and loving
Make a list of people you want to thank and are grateful to…
Write your letter expressing love and gratitude
Spend a moment everyday thinking of someone to thank.
Feel good about it… focus on what’s right in your life.


17. Set aside quiet time, every day

· Whether its ten minutes of meditation, taking a ten-minute bath, ten minute walk – quiet time is a vital part of life.
· It would make life more bearable- we would be more relaxed…

18. Seek first to understand

· You become more interested in understanding others,
· You can communicate more effectively
· People will listen to you and understand you
· You will have better, more loving relationships

19. Practice humility

· Humility and peace go hand in hand
· Stop bragging, boasting, gloating
· If not people will talk about you, behind your back, even avoid you
· Practice being modest- humble and kind and
· You will receive more positive feedback and attention

20. Every day, tell at least one person you like, admire, love or appreciate them

· It takes no effort- but pays dividends
· When people are acknowledged and complimented, they will feel good and positive
· Thank someone, pay someone a compliment,
· Tell someone close you love them
· It takes only a couple of seconds but leaves an endless trail of good feeling …

21. Be grateful when you’re feeling good, and graceful when you’re feeling

· Understand that both positive and negative feelings come and go
· Accept the inevitability of passing feelings
· When you’re feeling good, be grateful, be happy, enjoy the feeling…
· When you’re feeling bad, don’t fight it, try to relax, accept it gracefully

22. Do one thing at a time

· How often do we try to do more than one thing at a time?
· Eg. Shave, drink coffee and read newspapers all at once.
· When we do that, it is impossible to be present-moment oriented.
· You become less focussed and effective
· Be present in what you are doing.
· Concentrate- you will be more interested
· You will be amazed at how quickly and efficiently you’ll get things done.


23. Count to ten.

· When you’re angry, take a long deep inhalation, count number one to ten, if really angry, count to twenty.
· The combination of counting and breathing is relaxing, it helps big stuff become small stuff.
· Incorporate into your daily life- even when not angry, try the breathing exercises, relax and enjoy it.

24. Be willing to learn from friends and family

PEOPLE CLOSEST TO US KNOW US THE BEST
They can help us solve problems, offer simple solutions.
Ask your friends “ What are my weak spots?”
Ask your family for advice- it may prevent you from having bad experiences

25. Be happy where you are.

Many of us postpone our happiness- someday when I have money, when I get a promotion, I’ll be happy.
We keep waiting for something to happen..
But life keeps moving forward, we can be happy right now, If not now, when?
There is no way to happiness,
Happiness is the way.

26. Make service a vital part of your life

· To become kinder, more loving requires action.
· Ask yourself “ How can I be of service?”
· Help others, your chances to be of service are endless.
· Giving is its own reward.
· When you give, you will receive.
· Everybody wins.

27. Do a favour and don’t ask for, or expect one in return.

When you do something nice for someone, you’ll have a sense of ease and peace.
Your reward is knowing you have done something good, even if no one says thank you or acknowledge it.
The more you practice, you will experience the good feelings which are rewards in themselves.

28. Become an early riser

So many people wake up, rush off to work, grab a quick cup of coffee…
After work, you rush home and feel so tired…
Before your day begins, get an early start … wake up at 3 or 4 am in the morning.
Use the quite time to read, do yoga, just relax…when the rest of the family wakes up, you already had your quiet time

29. Mind your own business (MYOB)

It’s about knowing when to help and when to leave something alone.
MYOB – goes beyond avoiding temptation, gossiping, eavesdropping, talking behind people’s back.
Have the wisdom to back off- focus your attention to where it’s truly relevant and needed.

30. LIVE THIS DAY AS IF IT WERE YOUR LAST, IT MIGHT BE!

None of us know how long we have to live, sadly we act as if we are going to live forever…
We postpone things we want to do, go fishing, bake a cake, visit old friends, writing a letter…
Live each day as if it is your last day on earth.
Realise how precious life is, don’t sweat the small stuff… treasure yourself.

So folks...enjoy today and everyday and don't let anyone bug you...life is too short for us to get overworked and miserable...be happy. Here's wishing you happy days and plenty of sunshine to match your day, everyday.