Happy Father's Day

Dear all,



It's another day to remember...Father's Day and for us...with dad gone two months today, its a day we all miss him. For those of us who still have our fathers, I guess we are constantly reminded, bombarded by commercials and advertisements, articles in newspapers...on how we should appreciate our fathers, in fact both parents whilst they are still with us. To take care of them, to love them unconditionally..its hard at times...our generations have drifted apart...our way of life now so different from their time, our social world so global our parents may not even comprehend, our expectations of ourselves, their expectations of us...the conflicts we may have as we try to live together.



Yes indeed, if dad was around, we would be out celebrating father's day with dinner and a get together. It's the usual thing with all of us..we are all so bust but comes Father's or Mother's Day and birthdays and festive seasons, we all do make time for family. We will continue with that for mum.. I am sure we will do the same with our immediate family. So to all fathers out there, A Happy Father's Day.

I think this poem says it all:

Happy Father's Day
A Dad is a person who is loving and kind,
And often he knows what you have on your mind.
He's someone who listens, suggests, and defends.
A dad can be one of your very best friends!
He's proud of your triumphs, but when things go wrong,
A dad can be patient and helpful and strong
In all that you do, a dad's love plays a part.
There's always a place for him deep in your heart.
And each year that passes, you're even more glad,
More grateful and proud just to call him your dad!
Thank you, Dad...for listening and caring, for giving and sharing,
but, especially, for just being you!
Happy Father's Day

Dad, we miss you.

Friends forever?

It's been a while...

Still missing my dad, mum has yet to come to terms with it, and for her, the days are passing ever so slowly, for the rest of us, the loss is felt but we are also caught in our own world of our immediate family, circle of friends and workplace. Time does help to heal some of the hurt but time does not actually let us forget...it just helps with the healing process...

Anyway, a friend sent me this and I thought its really true for all of us to ponder where we are, and where we are going in our lives minus the professional part of it, this is personal...

What would you do if every time you fell in love with someone you had to say good-bye?
What would you do if every time you wanted someone they would never be there?
What would you do if for every moment you were truly happy there would be 10 moments of sadness?
What would you do if your best friend died tomorrow and you never got to tell them how you felt?
What would you do if you loved someone more than anything else and you could never have them?
Some people live and some people die.
But I want to tell you I love you and you are a true friend...
That I will always be here for you when and if you need me...
If I died tomorrow, you would be in my heart forever.
Would I be in yours?

You might be best friends one year, pretty good friends the next year, don't talk that often the next year, and don't want to talk at all the year after that.

So, I just wanted to say, even if I never talk to you again in my life, you are special to me and you have made a difference in my life.
I look up to you, respect you, and truly cherish you.
Let old friends know you haven't forgotten them, and tell new friends you never will.
Remember, everyone needs a friend, someday you might feel like you have NO FRIENDS at all, just remember this and take comfort in knowing somebody out there cares about you and always will.

Cheers.

Mother's Day

It's Mother's day. For most of us, its family time.

A time for us to gather, to appreciate our mum and make the day special for her.

What is a mum?

A mum is someone whom we turn to when things go wrong and she will wipe the hurt away.

A mum is the bank we deposit our fears, our tears, our problems, our hopes and dreams.

A mum is the cement and rock of our family, that keeps the fanmily together in good times and in bad.

It takes a Mother's Love to make a house a home,

A place to be remembered,no matter where we roam.

It takes a Mother's Patience,to bring a child up right,

And her Courage and her Cheerfulness to make a dark day bright.
It takes a Mother's Thoughtfulness to mend the heart's deep "hurts,"

And her Skill and her Endurance to mend little socks and shirts.

It takes a Mother's Kindness to forgive us when we err,

To sympathize in trouble and bow her head in prayer.

It takes a Mother's Wisdom to recognize our needs

And to give us reassurance by her loving words and deeds.

It takes a Mother's Endless Faith,her Confidence and Trust

To guide us through the pitfalls of selfishness and lust.

And that is why in all this world there could not be another,

Who could fulfill God's purpose as completely as a MOTHER!

Helen Steiner Rice

Bless all our mothers for they are special.

Happy Mother's Day.

In Memoriam

Dad was buried on Saturday, the 25 April 2009 at around 12.00pm. It was actually a very hot afternoon but for the short time we travelled to the cemetery and the time we had the short service there till the time he was laid to rest, the sky was cloudy and gloomy as if joining us in mourning our loss, and protected us from the heat and strains of the day. Dad must have wanted to make sure we were all comfortable in our period of sadness. The church service was short and beautiful. I think it was great that three priests celebrated his funeral Mass. Then there were the two eulogies, one read by my nephew, Jason, and the other by my brother, David. The final send off song that was Dad’s favourite at our family karaoke sessions, was lead by all the grandchildren accompanied by their aunt on the piano, entitled, “The Moon Represents my Heart” or “Yue Liang Dai Biao Wo De Xin” by Teresa Teng Lee Chin. It was all in all a beautiful service for my dad.

All too soon, it was over. I cannot describe our feelings that day, especially mum. She has been in a state of disbelief and deep sorrow all week. Dad, we hope you will be granted peace and eternal rest. Dad, it has been three weeks. The loss is still very new to us, especially mum. Today is Mother’s Day but what meaning has it when the main partner is missing. But I guess, life has to go on for the living. I am sure you would want us to continue to fill our lives with joy, laughter, success and happiness. We pray everyday for your eternal peace in the arms of the Lord.

I was browsing some photos taken the past year and you look so fine…if only we knew, we would have taken more pics with you. I was looking at pictures taken during your last birthday dinner, also during Christmas, CNY, David’s birthday and also the Easter weekend when Juls was back. It all seemed so recent…well at least for the living we can look back and ponder over past happy times. Thank you for all the years you spent taking care of us with mum, you never complained how hard it was, only mum knew. We should and will treasure the moments spent with you and mum. Though we sometimes forget that parents are not going to be there always, we should spend whatever time with them as long as they are with us. Live life to the fullest with your dearest ones cos we never know when our time is up.
Dad, we will remember you always.

Goodbye Dad.

It’s hard to say goodbye forever…but that is the reality we all have to face one day..for us tomorrow we would be saying goodbye to our beloved dad. It’s not easy for most members of my family, goodbye was last Easter Sunday. For most of us, we were not there when dad breathed his last. Only my mom and my eldest brother. I arrived just…and missed it. My goodbye was the night before. If I had known, if I had paid heed to the many signs dad had given, I would have got myself there on time to say my final goodbye. But as fate would have it, God decided it was the right place and time to take him. we can only plan but God determines.

Death is like a thief in the night. We do not know when the Lord will come. We do not know when it will be our time to go, is it sooner or later? Death is the reality we cannot avoid: all of us have to face it one day. Jesus tells us that this experience of pain, sorrow and tears is only for a time. We pray that you will give mum the spiritual support she sorely needs at this time and for the months ahead. We will be there for her, don’t worry.

Dad, you will be dearly missed. I am sure you can smell the more than 70 floral wreaths that surround you and also see how beautiful they are. Tomorrow we will say goodbye but you will not be forgotten. You will forever remain in our thoughts and in our hearts. Thank you for always being there for us. We will continue to celebrate your life with us. On our part, we will live our lives to the fullest each day, we will try to remind ourselves that our time on earth is but a temporary thing.

Rest now in the arms of the Lord in Heaven.
Goodbye and May you rest in peace.
Your youngest daughter.

Passing of a loved one

By now, you all would have known about my dad’s passing last Monday, 20 April 2009.
“Death” they say is the only thing that is certain. As I write about this, we are at his wake at the Lazarus Room, Cathedral of the Sacred Heart, Johor Bahru, Johor. He will lie here for our friends andrelatives to pay their last respects till Saturday. Funeral has been set for the 25 April.
I haven’t been able to sit down and write for some time, commitments: work, family, parent-sitting andthe lot. No excuses as they say, cos’ time is how we manage it not the other way round. To the living, time flies, time heals, time spent cannot be recouped, this too shall pass…common clichés we all use in our lives…time is but a phase…, for the dying, time is of the utmost essence, time is what they do nothave and when he/she breathes his/her last, time is what they do not have forever.

“To the educated mind, death is but the next great journey” (Dumbledore/Harry Potter).

My dad passed away at the age of 79 years. We were planning his 80th birthday with a big dinner come October. Guess, last Easter week was the last time we had our family gathering. Dad enjoyed himself and sang his favorite songs by Teresa Teng. We took family photos cos’ all six children and their families were around this time. My sister who lives in London came back too. We didn’t know then that, that was the last outing or even a family dinner we would have with dad. Yes, dad has begun his journey to the next life. Words cannot express how we feel cos’ it was always my mum who has the most health problems, dad was the quiet one. I don’t think he was ever hospitalized for anything nor had any serious health problems except for his manageable hypertension and the last two years, Parkinson’s disease. Dad was the healthy one! We just figured he’d be around with us for a long time. Well, God decided it was time for him to go…

How should one describe dad? Quiet, patient, unassuming, even though he had dementia, he had lapses where he would reminiscence and his memory would be as sharp as ever. He could recall the old days when he was growing up, when we were growing up, his old friends and relatives. Mind you, he could name you the various Presidents of the United States that surprised all of us. We were proud that he could be so knowledgeable yet when he seems lost in his own world, he would see invisible friends and even hold conversations with them that at first frightened us but later accepted as part and parcel of his condition.

I guess I could recall growing up, with dad working across the causeway, and us living and studying in JB. He was the dad who worked so hard for us, and the dad who made us sit at the table and study each night. I think we feared getting any red marks come report card day…and he did use the cane on my older brother and sisters but I don’t recall getting hit once not that I didn’t get any red marks but mostly because I didn’t. To my parents who did not finish their education due to the Japanese Occupation, education was a way out of poverty. They saw to it that we did well in school. They believed in our potential and what we could become. And I think it was because of our background and upbringing that we are what we have become today. We are all successful in our own way and mostly because of our parents. I remember growing up in a kampong house in Tarom, then moving to Stulang Laut, then to Pelangi Garden and the last house we moved to In Taman Perling, Tampoi.

My father loved Elvis Presley and we never missed his movies, he would bring us to the Grand Prix motorbike races and the yearly Chingay processions. Yes, we all could recall those memorable times, both happy and difficult. As I went away to university, started my career, moved to Kuantan, got married, had a family and then later moved to Kuala Lumpur, my visits home to JB were regular and limited to birthdays and festive seasons. But then, my parents were always up in KL every other month and my daily phone calls over the years made sure we were never were too far away.

The last year when mum had to undergo a by-pass saw them move up to KL to stay with my brother and his family. Of course it meant uprooting them from their own home, but that was the only thing we could see possible as they were then not able to care for themselves as mum was too weak. This also meant that it was easier for me and my family to visit often. I am glad the last year, my children got to know my parents especially dad better than all the years put together. My son would engage dad in a game of Chinese chess and promptly lose to him as dad was very good at the game. My husband would engage him in conversations to stir his memory. Come weekends, it was parent sitting and taking grandparents for shopping trips and dinners. So the last year was a year that meant a lot to me personally. Though my time was divided between work, family and parents…I managed quite well, I think. By taking care of our parents and sharing the responsibilities, somehow it has brought us all brothers and sisters closer than we have ever been before. The family is close-knit as ever. I thank the Lord for letting me have my parents close to us especially dad since he left us quite suddenly.

The last two weeks had been blurry, dad had his hernia operation, an op dimmed minor but I guess for a man his age, nothing was considered minor. But dad was discharged after three days…he seemed to be recovering well and that was the Easter week. The last few days before he died, he didn’t have much of an appetite but we took it to be probably post-op blues. I guess we took it that dad being uncomplaining and quiet was doing well. We didn’t realize that he was slipping away from us. Last Sunday, I spent about five hours helping mum and dad make him comfortable and trying to help him keep some drinks and medicine down . He was throwing up whatever we tried to give him. His feet and legs were icy cold and yet he said it was too hot and refused any blanket. He kept wiping his nose and yes it was running. We didn’t realize that these were signs…my final goodbye was around 9pm when I told him I had to go back, and see to my kids. He was lying in bed and when I told him I had to leave, he just held my hand tightly and told me to take care of the children. In my heart, I think I knew he was slipping away but I didn’t realize it was so soon. We all didn’t. I didn’t have a restful night. The next day…Monday…he passed away.

Dad, you have begun your next journey. We pray you will continue to bless us from Heaven. Dad, you will be missed so much by all of us especially when birthdays and festivals come along. But we still have mom and for us left behind, we will make use of the time we have with mum and make her as comfortable as possible. Dad, may God grant you eternal peace and rest.
We love you dad!

“Hold your family and friends close to your heart. They are the ones who will stand by you, with you, when no one else will.”

Learn from History…

“History is not to be repeated , but history gives us a chance to learn from our past mistakes” my son told me in no uncertain terms, quoting someone somewhere I think, when we were discussing the subject that to my children is better left to bookworms and historians, whilst they choose to live in the present, not dwell on the past. Someone else also said: “the fact that we can learn, that we have the gift of memory that allows us to keep an inventory of our mistakes, thus preventing us from repeating them all over again” shows us that mankind can make positive changes and revert negative information.

It brings to mind cases in history, like the wars in various parts of the world, Bosnia, Rwanda, Iraq, Afghanistan…that should not be repeated but avoided at all costs. How often we mourn over lives lost, lost causes, properties burnt-out, misplaced families, relatives and friends. Then we have financial fallouts, monetary disasters, investment cheats, loan defaulters and a breakdown in the financial systems of the world…can the world get over all these human-made disasters? Can the same men who brought us despair and a sense of hopelessness, now learn from the past and bring forth positive changes for the good of mankind?

What about ourselves, our daily lives? We often lament to our children, “back when we were younger, when your parents went to school by bus and pocket money was only 20 sen, when there was only a black and white TV that we could afford, and of course, no such thing as eating out and going to the movies was a once a year New Year treat!”. But our children listen and nod their heads as if in sympathy and then we remind them to be thankful for what they have now and are receiving daily. Life is such a sinch these days, kids have maids, I find it difficult to juggle my career with that of a homemaker without one! I was without one for a whole month when the last one returned to Indonesia. Today, I picked the new one up, judging by her looks and first impressions, she seems polite and obedient. Hope I get lucky cos’ with all the tales about maids attacking their employers these days…one can’t be too careful. Thank God, this weekend is a three day one, so I have ample time to show her the ropes before I fly off to Kuching on Tuesday.

Oh well, life goes on for everyone…take care…

cheers